I read a lot of books about self-improvements, being positive, life lessons, and emotional intelligence EQ. I guess this does come from some sort of self-consciousness where I am trying to project a certain behaviour that with proper study and training might just come natural and I reach my objective of being that person who people would say “she takes things easy” and “she is always smiling”.
The write-up around Emotional Intelligence focuses on awareness of our own emotions and subsequently the impact that might have on others. It also helps us be more aware of our surroundings and how, even if against all odds, our actions impact them. I say against all odds, because, ideally, people should take ownership of their actions and own their part at least instead of purely pinning that down on others. The more I read; the more I get to be that person who wouldn’t stop in the middle of a walk because people might be just walking behind me or walking and not expecting someone to be just standing in the middle of a walk-through. I become the person who is consciously aware of how my friends and family behave and if, according to the general rule of thumb, they are considered to be with a high or average EQ. But does it really matter? Do we really need to care that much about the perception of strangers crossing our path?!
Why should we care?
I think our quality of life would improve if those allowed to judge it remain the selected few. But I also think our behaviour, attitudes, and awareness is the result of constant training and it would benefit us a great deal if we can practice those good samaritan acts with everyone. Meaning we ideally need to fall into the habit of pushing those good deeds across. One might argue they are not necessarily good but might be just being paranoid! Why would the average stranger bother if we stopped in the middle of the road and they had to change course? Is that considered a serious anti-social act?!
Why would anyone care so much about what a co-worker said to them? Why would they give them that power if they are not, again, the selected few?!
In an earlier blog piece, I spoke of the game of life and how we can instantly change the outcomes by simply thinking differently about things. The impact others would have on us is no different. So, if those around us are, let’s say, not socially inclined and do not have the level of EQ that can help them understand the impact on others; we can take the lead and choose not to be affected. We, as individuals with an average or high EQ, would understand the fourth quadrant that relates to how our actions traverse across and subsequently impact our relationships. So we would care, and maybe that would show others the path to becoming more socially adequate & even take it further and learn the ins and outs of EQ.
Crossing Over to just Emotional!
As we grow older, we respectively grow less worry of what others think of us. We also reminisce less on what happened, translating to more peace of mind. But, what if we just care because this is who we are and what we have been raised to believe! We could also be just too eager to please and fear the rejection that comes from being socially awkward. I am not a psychologist; as such, I won’t pass judgments here. I think it would be very hard for emotional individuals and sensitive characters to truly achieve high EQ. I personally think too much awareness of every single action in fear that it might negatively impact others might fire back and cause the person emotional instability. The balance in EQ between how we feel and how others feel is a fine line that, I believe, requires a stronger character that is also wiser to pick the right battles and just let go of the majority.
It also means that we ought to be at peace with our own flows and accept the fact that even if we did achieve that great level of EQ; we are humans at the end of the day and can be emotional about things others might find normal. We can be emotional around our selected few and let our guards down as we know we are within a safe environment. I say that and think crossing over needs to still be among the right selected few. Meaning, we know who from our circle can withstand the level of emotions we want to exert and by doing that we are not labelled as someone who is thoughtful to outsiders but tough on family and friends.
It is for sure a fine line!